12 - Caryn Self Sullivan
30 minutes reading
She is the last Attagirl for 2024. And the first woman I met online right after having the chance to put my hands on the internet in my office, first time in my life, in 1998. Like a child in the chocolate store, I wanted all, and all at once. I had a lifetime (of 20 something years) of interests to search for, manatees, for one. So I hopped on Altavista and started my new adventure that opened my door to the world.
I was a sucker for anything I found on the manatees. I got familiar with activities of private individuals watching them in the Crystal River in Florida, and I came across the Save the Manatee Club, too. I was daydreaming about attending the Rosenstiel School of Marine and Atmospheric Science in Miami one nice day. And then I found this Belize research on these cutest creatures on Earth, and the contributors to the work - and there she was. This little woman dedicating her life to the gentle giants that I was so interested in.
You might know a few things about me by now, you may guess what happened. Yes, if you think I reached out to her, you are right. I did. I introduced myself briefly and I told her I did not know what I was even doing, writing to her, I just wanted to be close to someone who had access to manatees. We exchanged a few e-mails, oh, how exciting it was, and she said she was writing her thesis for university graduation and if I was interested, she could send it to me to read. Was I interested? Heck yeah! I was super proud to have that document with me, the research results of a real scientist studying the manatees! I thought it was nuts. I felt I was special. And while of course I was not talking about my secret pursues to anyone, kept the magic for myself, I truly believed that one nice day I’d meet her, and I’d see the manatees for myself, swimming with them in Belize, or in the Crystal River, or wherever.
Well, the manatees are still waiting, and I haven’t met her in person yet either, but I did call her and brought her here today, with her life story spun with twists and turns. Caryn Self Sullivan, the Virginia-origin lady, mother of 3, manatee scientist, animal behaviorist – a university student starting her studies in her 40’s. Town Council member, business owner, activist, believer and doer of the right thing – a happy and free person. My secret educator, my role model, a true leader by example. I encourage you to read her tale and take what you need to take.
Created with love – read with delight.
Hello Caryn, it’s so unbelievable we are meeting here, isn’t it?
Hi Kami, indeed, it is! Your Attagirl blog is a very good cause, and I am all in for good causes, so here I am, let’s do
Alright then, Caryn! I always like to start with my guests’ childhood, where the foundation was laid, so I would like to ask you about that first. What were your early years like?
My family was a traditional suburban American family. My mom worked in a bank, my father was a salesman. He worked in a grocery store, then a furniture store, and several new car dealerships before he retired. My childhood was strongly influenced by my neighborhood, Ferry Farms, a subdivision built in the 50s on land that had been the birthplace of George Washington. I lived on a block where there were lots of kids. When I was 9 and a half, my little sister was born. My Nana (Mom’s mom) lived with us until I was 9. She had a great influence on my life. She taught me most everything I needed: gardening, cooking, fixing things around the house. We would visit her in her old farmhouse in the summer and put new tar paper on the roof. We’d visit her friends and family in the Wilderness, just west of Fredericksburg. In the big picture I had a very happy childhood.
Any bad things you remember from that era?
Well, my father was an alcoholic. A completely functional alcoholic, nevertheless it had a profound effect on Mom, me, and my little sister.
How do we imagine a functional alcoholic?
In my childhood memory, he acted professionally and competently at work, appearing to be completely sober. I don’t think his friends or family, not even his mother or sister, knew how difficult he could be at home. As far as I know, he was never suspected to have a problem. Maybe suspected, but never in trouble during my childhood. When he was with his friends, I remember he drank beer. When he was at home, I remember he drank vodka – straight out of an 8oz glass. There were arguments and he could be mean, threatening me and Mom. I only remember a couple incidents that could be defined as physical, but the need for him to control made our home life miserable. I think several of my childhood friends lived with alcoholic Moms or Dads, too. It seems sorta normal.
Alright, I see. How about school, did you like going to school?
I loved school! I was a good student, too. My teachers liked me and I tried to please them. We lived just a few blocks from the elementary school, so I walked to school every day. In Junior High and High School, I walked 2 blocks to the bus stop.
I was 15 when I met this guy at a friend’s BD Party, he was 16. We dated on and off for months, then got serious. I got pregnant at 16 and was married 2 weeks before I turned 17.
Wait, what?
Yeah, you heard me right. I was 16 and pregnant. My doctor and my preacher and my mother tried to talk me into an abortion (1970) but G and I decided to get married. That baby is now in her 50s and is an exceptional woman; I cannot imagine my life without her. No, I did not drop out of school. My high school had a policy against pregnant girls but there were 12 of us in my class and we were all good students from “good families.” So… they opened an alternative school for pregnant girls. I was in the Charter Class. That school served pregnant girls for almost 30 years.
Oh my, what a story!
Relations with my father were difficult and I wanted to get away. The idea of moving out of my home environment and into a home with G was all I could focus on. We moved into a small trailer first, then into my Nana’s extra bedroom, finally into our own apartment shortly after A was born in 1971.
And then you went back to school.
A was born in the summer and since we lived in the city, I went to a different school that fall and graduated with honors the next spring.
Good job!
After graduation, I took a part-time job at a pharmacy typing prescription labels, while my husband worked full-time. We had great support from Nana and our parents so we both could have jobs. My son, P, was born in 1974 and my 2nd daughter, S ,was born in 1975, just 11 months later. They were called Irish Twins (2 babies within a year ;-). When the kids were little, I worked in the home party industry selling Deco Plants, Princess House Crystal, Avon, and Tupperware. I worked in a pediatrician’s office (free medical care for the kids) for several years. Then I decided to get my real estate license in 1981. Eventually I got my broker’s license and managed multiple real estate offices and taught real estate classes from 1981 until 1993, when I went to college for the first time.
Quite the entrepreneur you were, lady!
Haha, I was indeed. I was not afraid of work, we needed the money, and I wanted to make the most out of my abilities. At the same time, though, my marriage was falling apart, G and I argued a lot and at some point it became so intolerable that we realized we had to let one another go. And so we did.
Not good…
The year before we split up, we had a house fire a few days before Christmas (1986). Luckily it was only smoke damage but still, a lot of damage that put us at G’s Mom’s home and then in a rental for 45 days.
How did the fire start?
The dryer caught on fire. The folding metal doors to the laundry closet kept it from spreading and burning the house down. We lost our pet Chihuahua, Pepé.
After G and I split, there were lots of challenges as a single mom of three. But soon my oldest daughter was off to college, and the youngest was looking at colleges.
And that was when….
That was when my youngest found this opportunity at the Coastal Carolina University. Marine Scientist. “Mom, mom, this is what you have always wanted!” they said, and they were right. I have always loved the sea, the magic of the ocean and the secret life beneath the waves. I started college in 1993, at 39 years of age, the same year my youngest started college and my oldest started graduate school. We were all in four different schools in Florida, South Carolina, Virginia..
And I was in heaven.
I sold the house, cleared all my debts, kids were out in different states to study, so I moved, too.
The kind of courage Attagirl! stands for: leaving everything behind for the dream!
That’s what I did, I felt I had nothing to lose with this major change. Only to win. I was in my senior year when I took an elective class in avian biology and met Dr. Jessica Young who specialized in bird behavior and conservation behavior.
For graduate school, I looked at the University of Rhode Island and even spent the summer there on a NSF [National Science Foundation] internship, analyzing data. Then I traveled to Texas A&M where I met Dr. William Evans and Dr. Jane Packard and was sold on the Department of Wildlife & Fisheries Sciences. I could start living for my true passion, the sea, and study marine mammal bioacoustics and behavior. Dr. Evans and Dr. Packard gave me chance to visit Belize where I fell in love with the country, the people, the environment and the manatees and dolphins… among other marine megafauna.
And that’s when we met online.
Yes, when my research partner, Dr. Katie LaCommare, and I met in Belize, we started Sirenian International and that’s when you found me and started asking sooo many questions ;-) After I defended my thesis and was awarded the PhD, I took a visiting professor position at Georgia Southern University where I worked for 2 years, until my Mom got sick and I had to come back to Virginia to help take care of her. During that time, I taught graduate students at Nova Southeastern online, and I also taught at Virginia Tech on site. I enjoyed teaching and field research very much. But, when my Mom needed me, I traveled back home.
Why did you finally move back?
My Mom’s cancer came back, and she needed me. Nana had passed by then. Nana had lived in an apartment in a basement of my Mom and Dad’s home. I moved into that in-law apartment in 2010. My Mom passed on Christmas Eve 2012. My Dad was devastated. So, I passed up on an opportunity to teach full time in Florida. I continued teaching online and eventually graduated over 20 students through NOVA Southeastern. After Mom passed, I moved out of the in-law apartment and into our Beach Cottage in Colonial Beach and have been here ever since. My Dad passed in 2017 and I inherited the Beach Cottage.
Today, I own my own business, Ask Dr. Caryn LLC. I work mostly with dog owners… a few cat and horse owners. I volunteer for and support multiple local non-profit organizations dedicated to wildlife, the environment, pets.
I was elected to Town Council in 2020 and served 4 years. My term just ended in December. I ran for Council because I knew I had lots of life and educational experience that could be great use to my community. I felt I had a lot to offer. One term was enough though, I honestly think everyone should have a say when there is an opportunity, my two cents have been added in my own term, no need for more.
Local non-profits, council membership, dog/cat/horse training courses – is there any other pillar for you?
Yes! I opened Beach Paws Boutique, a retail shop for pets and people in 2022. We are open 7 days a week and I have 5 part-time employees. Ren, my personal dog, goes to work with me everywhere, whether in the shop or at my private clients’ homes.
Caryn, your lifeline is more than amazing. It tells of a huge amount of enthusiasm, energy and dedication. How do you have so much in you, so much to offer for people?
I don’t know, I just do. My Nana was a great role model. I want to spend my time on our Mother Earth in the best way possible. I believe in the power of helping and fairness and those are values I strive to live by.
How can you handle all those impacts, all the events of your life by yourself? Haven’t you tried to find your soulmate yet?
Look, Kami. In all honesty I am a quite independent person, and I guess maybe it is hard to find someone who can put up with that. After my divorce I was engaged once but it did not work out. I am OK with that. Of course, if there is someone out there for me, I’d like to find him, it’s just that it is not a priority and so I do not do much about it.
I see. Well, I do wish for that someone for you to find you!
Thank you, Kami!
But, then, OK, the question is still there: how can you handle all the things you have had to handle, where does your superpower come from?
The shortest answer is my family, my friends, and the animals, of course. Animals are my friends, and I am theirs. Thanks to my studies I feel I understand them pretty well. There is a magical relationship formed between us. I have my pup, Ren, who comes with me everywhere – and then two cats, Stimpy and Little T, who like crashing inside my place at night while being outside during the day. My world is round with them and while I know time has an end for all of us; Ren is having a serious health condition, I am very hopeful we still have quite some good days ahead together.
I am not newborn either, and due to joint issues, not as physically active as before. I look forward to being able to hop back on my bike and ride a little.
What does a typical day look like for you?
Well, in the morning I check my emails, reply them, and have coffee in a nice little local shop. Once I am done I open the boutique and spend my time there throughout the day. I support the local Humane Society for feral cats, as well as Rivah Dogs. I travel to my clients’ homes to help them with behavior and training. Dogs are pretty easy so I help dogs fix their people, because if you give it a thought, this is exactly what happens during a training.
I agree! I was fixed once myself…
Haha, right?
Are you ever needed for cats?
Cats do not so frequently require me to step in but there are some cases indeed. With cats, relationship and emotional issues are prevalent, like when a second cat arrives at the home, or some other event that disturbs the good ole waters of the home.
Interesting!
And very exciting. I truly love working with animals and people. But no clients after 6 p.m.! In the evenings I either go out with friends, or I work on the computer, while I watch movies on the TV.
What do you like watching, what is it that relaxes you?
I like drama. And I like this new show Matlock, with Kathy Bates. I also enjoy the Tracker lately. I am not really a comedy fan but Young Sheldon is engaging and gives me a few good laughs, too. So do re-runs of Friends.
You said you learned cooking from Nana. Do you ever cook?
Naaaaah, not really. Many say it gives them comfort to make food, but my comfort comes from watching sunrise and sunset with Ren in the front yard or on the riverbank. I also like to listen to audio books. I prefer historical fiction, drama, some non-fiction (animal behavior and race relations), coming of age stories. Stories with strong female characters. Listening to music takes away tension, too. I have my playlists, I enjoy jazz, holiday songs, music of the late sixties, blues. And Belizean music.
Anything out there that makes you anxious? Any fears?
Not really… maybe not to leave my kids with a mess when I die.
Do you often think about death? Is that something that bothers your peace?
You know, Kami, at my age you will think about it once in a while, especially when a friend passes. But I think about it as a natural sequence of life. My thoughts are mostly about tying up loose ends in my life before going. I remember when my parents died they did leave a lot to detangle, and I would not like to do that to my children. I am out of debt, mostly, but have way too much stuff!
Clear. So weird to talk about stuff like this, though. So… personal and honest.
True, but look. I have had a very happy life, I feel very content and knowing I have contributed to so much makes me ever more so. Sometimes I do think about death, but my approach is this instead of any kind of fear.
So very wise. Talking about wisdom, is there anything, any message from you to the readers, about how they can feel content and happy?
Certainly. I do public speaking once in a while. I always tell young people to follow their passion. If you’re doing what you love, the reward will follow. Do not stay in a job you hate, follow your heart and find something that makes it happy. When you arrive at a fork of your life’s road, make your best decision and do not fear you have missed out on the other direction. Do not waste thoughts on what if – rest assured, another fork in the road will take you there.
Wow. Thank you, Caryn, for your beautiful closing words. Thank you for the entire interview, the time you carved out for it. It was a true joy to reunite with you in this form.
Of course, Kami. I am always ready for good conversations; it was my pleasure.
If you want to learn more about Caryn, click on the links.
LinkedIn
Instagram
Threads
Website
Facebook ADC
Facebook BPB
Facebook Belize
YouTube
X (Twitter)
Tumblr
Pinterest
TikTok
Yelp
Vimeo
Bluesky
Square Online Store
Google Business Page (ID: 15090341517439674314)
WhatsApp: caryn@askdrcaryn.com +1 (540) 287-8207
